As frightening as the world in Anthem was, it's hard for me to envision that happening any time soon. Maybe a hundred years from now I could see it, but not in my lifetime. Anthem was a world that spat on individuality- not like a communist, or socialist society spits on it, but more completely. In Anthem, people were trained (or brainwashed) into ignoring any personal or possessive thoughts...the word 'I' or 'me' had completely disappeared from the language. People were not allowed to read unless the government had designated them a Scholar. People could not choose their own jobs, no matter how much they loved something. And try as I might, I just can't imagine the people of the world ever allowing things to go that far. We might allow our government to gain more and more control of us as the years pass, but when it comes to removing all traces of individuality and basic choice, I like to think people will stand their ground.
That's the main reason I think the world we saw in V for Vendetta is much more likely to come to pass. Though the government in that world had such control over its citizens, it had not gotten to the point where every bit of individuality was eradicated. This might be blind hope for our future, but I like to think we haven't completely lost our spines, that some bit of our forefather's courage and conviction still flows in our blood. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe our future is dark either way.
But I still have hope.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
V for Vendetta
I think one of the reasons I enjoyed the movie V for Vendetta is because though it might be fiction, there are rings of truth to it. Maybe I have an overactive imagination, or maybe I'm just a tad bit paranoid/cynical, but I can see our government getting to the point of total control and censorship- "for our own good." Some people laugh whenever I make a comment about our government slowly becoming that way, but we've already allowed them to have much more power than they had just fifty years ago. Fifty years from now...well, who can say how much power they will have then?
I read an article not long ago called "The Cult of the Presidency", and it kinda freaked me out a little. It was all about the original purpose of a president and a checks and balances government, and how that has slowly eroded. The author felt that since the early 1900's (the Progressive Era) we've slowly handed the reins of control to the president, trusting in him blindly. There have been setbacks of course, such as during the Vietnam War, but for the most part we do expect our President to be our sublime protector, our nurturer, our provider, our superhero. Just like people wanting President-elect Obama to have total control of Congress (or his party anyway)- why in the world does that seem like a good thing? No political party should have full control of the White House, Senate, and House. That's just asking for trouble.
If people don't pull their heads out of the sand and realize that there is such thing as a government with too much lee way, than we could very easily be headed for the world in V for Vendetta. Maybe not tomorrow, or next year, but on day. And what's really scary is that nobody seems to care.
I read an article not long ago called "The Cult of the Presidency", and it kinda freaked me out a little. It was all about the original purpose of a president and a checks and balances government, and how that has slowly eroded. The author felt that since the early 1900's (the Progressive Era) we've slowly handed the reins of control to the president, trusting in him blindly. There have been setbacks of course, such as during the Vietnam War, but for the most part we do expect our President to be our sublime protector, our nurturer, our provider, our superhero. Just like people wanting President-elect Obama to have total control of Congress (or his party anyway)- why in the world does that seem like a good thing? No political party should have full control of the White House, Senate, and House. That's just asking for trouble.
If people don't pull their heads out of the sand and realize that there is such thing as a government with too much lee way, than we could very easily be headed for the world in V for Vendetta. Maybe not tomorrow, or next year, but on day. And what's really scary is that nobody seems to care.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Attacking The Different
It seems like it's a part of human nature, that need to attack those that are different. We've all read about it in history books (the Holocaust, slavery, Civil Rights, suffrage movement, etc), and we've all seen it first hand...especially in school as children. People seem to instinctively close ranks, and attack the ones that are the slightest bit different. But why do we do that? What makes us lose sight of our compassion and heart, and torture those that simply aren't the same?
I think part of it is fear. The human race tends to be afraid of the unknown. We prefer to believe that because someone is different, that they are a threat. When people are scared, even subconsciously, we do one of two things...we run like hell, or we fight. We lash out at those that don't fit into our boxes, making them miserable until they give up and leave, or lose their individuality and join us.
I think in school children and teenagers, it stems from low self-esteem than fear. Why else would someone want to belittle another? I think it's because something is missing in that person, and the only way they gain satisfaction in themselves is to believe they are better than at least one other person.
For some, it's because they're simply mean. Not mean in the kick a dog, ignore tears type way, but as in a piece of their very soul is just mean and ugly, and enjoys inflicting pain on others. Perhaps this goes back to the need for power, the need to piss on the fire hydrant and mark their territory. Some people are just born like that, finding pleasure in causing others misery.
I don't think there's any one reason we persecute the different, but several reasons that are spread out among people. Not everyone's motives are the same, even if their actions and results are. In V for Vendetta, I think the people that got it the worst from the government were the ones that were capable of rocking the boat. They didn't want to have people that spoke their mind, and questioned authority, and fought for what they believed in. That went against the government's plan, and made those people a threat that had to be either beaten into submission, or disposed of forever.
All it takes, though, is one person to stand up against these people. Even if that one person does not succeed, even if they are silenced forever, their message will still have been heard, the torch passed. I truly believe that one person can change the world...whether it's the world in general, or another's reality. Take notice of those that attack the different, and stand up for them when they cannot. It's the only way this ridiculous habit of attacking people that don't fit the mold will ever stop.
I think part of it is fear. The human race tends to be afraid of the unknown. We prefer to believe that because someone is different, that they are a threat. When people are scared, even subconsciously, we do one of two things...we run like hell, or we fight. We lash out at those that don't fit into our boxes, making them miserable until they give up and leave, or lose their individuality and join us.
I think in school children and teenagers, it stems from low self-esteem than fear. Why else would someone want to belittle another? I think it's because something is missing in that person, and the only way they gain satisfaction in themselves is to believe they are better than at least one other person.
For some, it's because they're simply mean. Not mean in the kick a dog, ignore tears type way, but as in a piece of their very soul is just mean and ugly, and enjoys inflicting pain on others. Perhaps this goes back to the need for power, the need to piss on the fire hydrant and mark their territory. Some people are just born like that, finding pleasure in causing others misery.
I don't think there's any one reason we persecute the different, but several reasons that are spread out among people. Not everyone's motives are the same, even if their actions and results are. In V for Vendetta, I think the people that got it the worst from the government were the ones that were capable of rocking the boat. They didn't want to have people that spoke their mind, and questioned authority, and fought for what they believed in. That went against the government's plan, and made those people a threat that had to be either beaten into submission, or disposed of forever.
All it takes, though, is one person to stand up against these people. Even if that one person does not succeed, even if they are silenced forever, their message will still have been heard, the torch passed. I truly believe that one person can change the world...whether it's the world in general, or another's reality. Take notice of those that attack the different, and stand up for them when they cannot. It's the only way this ridiculous habit of attacking people that don't fit the mold will ever stop.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Turning the Page
If tomorrow our world simply fell apart, and America no longer existed in the way it does today, I would hope I could jump in with both feet, and do something to help us get on track. There are so many facets of our society that need improvement, enough that I sometimes fantasize about another revolution. Somewhere along the path, our country has lost sight of its purpose, and of what is truly special about our way of life. We no longer acknowledge that we (the people) are the driving force of the nation. Instead we have become accustomed to letting our government take care of us...we're like domesticated animals. We no longer understand the concept of self-sufficiency.
I would hope I could have my fingers in all sorts of pies if this nation ever crumbles, but more than anything I would want to be involved in restructuring our constitution, and the way our government worked. Four years as president? Nope, not anymore, Jack...you get two years, and then there's another vote between the same two candidates. Screw suffering through four years of incompetence. And no more voting for the lesser of two evils. Give us two solidly good candidates, or the election will be postponed until you do. Welfare would have a brand new face...you can't work because you're disabled in some way? Fine, we'll give you a hand. You're not working because you're a lazy ass and know that we'll step in to bail you out? Nope...you'll receive some sort of training and get a job, otherwise you don't get a dime.
There would be no more whining about prayer in school, or our nation's motto. America was founded on the idea of religious freedom, and that means for EVERYONE, not just atheists. You don't want to pray in school? That's fine because you don't have to, but you're not going to strip away the rights of others to pray. Our penal system would get a major overhaul...child molesters automatically get death, and your executioner is the child's parents or loved ones. You're a first time, petty criminal...you go to prison, but you take a technical course of some kind, and are kept away from the real animals. No sense in taking a confused kid and turning them into a career criminal. You get a death sentence...no more waiting two decades before you get the shot. You got a year, bud, to get all your appeals in, and then you go to your maker or the devil, whichever one wants you. Gangs would have to go away, and urban cops would have to man up and go after them straight up. Take them down, or take them out, but get that trash off of our streets.
Those are just a few of the things I would hope to help with once our nation goes down the toilet, and there's so much more that needs to be done. Americans need to remember the sacrifices that their ancestors made to give us such freedom...freedoms that we are slowly pissing away without even realizing it. We need to find our courage, and our voice, and retake our nation once and for all.
I would hope I could have my fingers in all sorts of pies if this nation ever crumbles, but more than anything I would want to be involved in restructuring our constitution, and the way our government worked. Four years as president? Nope, not anymore, Jack...you get two years, and then there's another vote between the same two candidates. Screw suffering through four years of incompetence. And no more voting for the lesser of two evils. Give us two solidly good candidates, or the election will be postponed until you do. Welfare would have a brand new face...you can't work because you're disabled in some way? Fine, we'll give you a hand. You're not working because you're a lazy ass and know that we'll step in to bail you out? Nope...you'll receive some sort of training and get a job, otherwise you don't get a dime.
There would be no more whining about prayer in school, or our nation's motto. America was founded on the idea of religious freedom, and that means for EVERYONE, not just atheists. You don't want to pray in school? That's fine because you don't have to, but you're not going to strip away the rights of others to pray. Our penal system would get a major overhaul...child molesters automatically get death, and your executioner is the child's parents or loved ones. You're a first time, petty criminal...you go to prison, but you take a technical course of some kind, and are kept away from the real animals. No sense in taking a confused kid and turning them into a career criminal. You get a death sentence...no more waiting two decades before you get the shot. You got a year, bud, to get all your appeals in, and then you go to your maker or the devil, whichever one wants you. Gangs would have to go away, and urban cops would have to man up and go after them straight up. Take them down, or take them out, but get that trash off of our streets.
Those are just a few of the things I would hope to help with once our nation goes down the toilet, and there's so much more that needs to be done. Americans need to remember the sacrifices that their ancestors made to give us such freedom...freedoms that we are slowly pissing away without even realizing it. We need to find our courage, and our voice, and retake our nation once and for all.
Standing Out
I loved high school for the most part...loved the classes, my teachers, the fun I had with my friends, but there was one thing that I absolutely hated: the way people would do something they hated just so they could blend in. To me, there are few things more important in life than staying true to yourself. I was always taught that at the end of the day, I would be the one having to live with myself, and the choices I had made. My dad was a big believer in the idea that it's better to have few good friends who really knew you than it was to have a lot of people like you for the person they thought you were. There's no sense in pretending to be something you're not because in the end...well, you have to reveal who you really are or you'll lose a piece of your soul.
I do think it's possible to retain your individuality and still work well with others in society, although it's definitely more difficult than if you simply conform to other's idea of you. People seem to have an innate fear of anything that's different...even if it's a minor difference. It would be so much simpler to let go of your beliefs and desires, and simply give in to other people's expectations. But if I have learned anything yet it is this: you'll be much happier doing what you want than if you keep your mouth shut and walk the line. Nobody else in the world is exactly the same as me...that's something I definitely believe. If I were to change who I am, there's no one else to take my place and fill that void. Under no circumstances should someone simply let go of who they are, and embrace what people want them to be just to keep the peace. It's not peace...it's a cowardly surrendering of everything that matters.
There comes a time in everyone's life when you are presented with a choice...your own split path in the woods. As Frost said...you can do what everyone else is doing, or you can find your courage, and go your own way, and dare anyone to stop you. There is no sense in conforming, in pretending you are something you are not. Without your individuality, you're just a waste of oxygen and resources because you bring nothing new to the table, just the same tired points of view. If our founding fathers would have conformed and simply told Britain 'yes sir', where would any of us be today? Sometimes you have to stand up, pull up your britches, and spit in the face of conformity. And those are the times when you will truly feel alive.
I do think it's possible to retain your individuality and still work well with others in society, although it's definitely more difficult than if you simply conform to other's idea of you. People seem to have an innate fear of anything that's different...even if it's a minor difference. It would be so much simpler to let go of your beliefs and desires, and simply give in to other people's expectations. But if I have learned anything yet it is this: you'll be much happier doing what you want than if you keep your mouth shut and walk the line. Nobody else in the world is exactly the same as me...that's something I definitely believe. If I were to change who I am, there's no one else to take my place and fill that void. Under no circumstances should someone simply let go of who they are, and embrace what people want them to be just to keep the peace. It's not peace...it's a cowardly surrendering of everything that matters.
There comes a time in everyone's life when you are presented with a choice...your own split path in the woods. As Frost said...you can do what everyone else is doing, or you can find your courage, and go your own way, and dare anyone to stop you. There is no sense in conforming, in pretending you are something you are not. Without your individuality, you're just a waste of oxygen and resources because you bring nothing new to the table, just the same tired points of view. If our founding fathers would have conformed and simply told Britain 'yes sir', where would any of us be today? Sometimes you have to stand up, pull up your britches, and spit in the face of conformity. And those are the times when you will truly feel alive.
Monday, October 13, 2008
So excited!
I went to the movies the other weekend with my guy, and nearly tore the skin off of his arm when halfway through the previews I heard a skinny white girl say 'Rosaleen', and a handsome black man shout out 'June Boatwright'. He looked at me a little crazy, probably wondering why I was trying to scar him while staring at the movie screen and squealing like a little girl. After all...nobody else in the theater had that reaction. But that just means that I'm the only one in there fortunate enough to have read The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. Those poor strangers just don't know what they're missing!
I can remember getting my required reading list the summer before my senior year in high school, at a meeting of our senior AP English class. It was the first year my school offered AP English, and they wanted to make sure we all knew what we were getting into. There were just three books on my list, prompting me to think I was in for an easy summer...three books in two months? Nothing to it. There was Pygmalion, which I had already read, Things Fall Apart, which sounded good to me, and The Secret Life of Bees. I remember looking at it and thinking 'What kind of stupid ass title is that?' One of these days I'm going to learn that the whole thing about not judging a book by its cover is true...I ended up LOVING this book.
I don't know if it was the writing, which was so casual and informal and personal, or if it was the characters, who were so realistic to me that I felt like I really knew them. Maybe it was the plot, which was so intricate and yet at the same time so broad, or maybe it was the theme of universal motherhood and love. Or maybe it was the way I read it...that first time that summer, where I thought it was just great, and in more detail that second semester. We broke it down in chapters and really analyzed each one...the excerpts at the beginning of each chapter, and how they were central to not only that chapter, but the entire book. We studied world events that were happening during that time, studied the Civil Rights movement. We looked at suicide, at the Jerusalem Wailing Wall, at Mai-Tai cocktails, and interracial relationships. We studied this book from every angle, and each angle I saw, the more I fell in love with the book.
The movie comes out in a couple of weeks, and I just hope it can live up to the original novel. I doubt it, though, as so few movies do (I'm looking at you Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!) It looked cute, though, and the scenes were easily recognizable from the book. Queen Latifah should make an excellent August, and now that I think about it...who else could play Lily but Dakota Fanning (who admittedly, does give me the creeps sometimes). I can't picture Jennifer Hudson as Rosaleen, but maybe she'll make the character hers. As soon as my sister gets back from New York at the end of the month, I'm dragging her and my mom to see this movie with me. It's a movie that mothers and daughters SHOULD watch together, as it's all about love between women, especially mother and daughter. We've had a rough year, the three of us, and I think a night away from everyone but each other, watching a movie that reminds us how lucky we are is just what we need. This movie, based on a book that I love, couldn't come at a better time for me. I cannot wait to watch Sue Monk Kidd's book come to life with the two women I love most.
I can remember getting my required reading list the summer before my senior year in high school, at a meeting of our senior AP English class. It was the first year my school offered AP English, and they wanted to make sure we all knew what we were getting into. There were just three books on my list, prompting me to think I was in for an easy summer...three books in two months? Nothing to it. There was Pygmalion, which I had already read, Things Fall Apart, which sounded good to me, and The Secret Life of Bees. I remember looking at it and thinking 'What kind of stupid ass title is that?' One of these days I'm going to learn that the whole thing about not judging a book by its cover is true...I ended up LOVING this book.
I don't know if it was the writing, which was so casual and informal and personal, or if it was the characters, who were so realistic to me that I felt like I really knew them. Maybe it was the plot, which was so intricate and yet at the same time so broad, or maybe it was the theme of universal motherhood and love. Or maybe it was the way I read it...that first time that summer, where I thought it was just great, and in more detail that second semester. We broke it down in chapters and really analyzed each one...the excerpts at the beginning of each chapter, and how they were central to not only that chapter, but the entire book. We studied world events that were happening during that time, studied the Civil Rights movement. We looked at suicide, at the Jerusalem Wailing Wall, at Mai-Tai cocktails, and interracial relationships. We studied this book from every angle, and each angle I saw, the more I fell in love with the book.
The movie comes out in a couple of weeks, and I just hope it can live up to the original novel. I doubt it, though, as so few movies do (I'm looking at you Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!) It looked cute, though, and the scenes were easily recognizable from the book. Queen Latifah should make an excellent August, and now that I think about it...who else could play Lily but Dakota Fanning (who admittedly, does give me the creeps sometimes). I can't picture Jennifer Hudson as Rosaleen, but maybe she'll make the character hers. As soon as my sister gets back from New York at the end of the month, I'm dragging her and my mom to see this movie with me. It's a movie that mothers and daughters SHOULD watch together, as it's all about love between women, especially mother and daughter. We've had a rough year, the three of us, and I think a night away from everyone but each other, watching a movie that reminds us how lucky we are is just what we need. This movie, based on a book that I love, couldn't come at a better time for me. I cannot wait to watch Sue Monk Kidd's book come to life with the two women I love most.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Family
Like everything else in our life, having a family comes with great expectations, and great responsibility. There are people that belong to you, people that hold your life and thoughts and opinions very dear. You can't be callous with them, and you can't be blase about how you interact with them. Whether given to you at birth or chosen by you during the span of your life, these people are your responsibility, so you have some to them as well:
Be truthful...not in the case of how's my hair look, or crap like that, but the big stuff. No matter how much it might hurt or seem to damage your relationship, it's best in the long run.
Be considerate...pay attention to them, and make an effort to be what they need. Ask questions, call often, visit as much as possible. Go to lunch with them, bring them flowers when their week is bad...show you love them rather than tell them.
Laughter...you cannot forget to make them laugh. You want to bring a smile to those that you love, especially when the days are tough and long. Go out of your way to make them smile, even if you have to make an ass of yourself to do it.
Dependable...that's what you have to be with family. You get a call at two a.m. from your sister because she and her husband had a fight? Give yourself a slap, pretend you don't have that eight o'clock final, and talk. Even if it takes hours or is a huge inconvenience...you be there for your family.
Worthiness....you have to be a good family member to deserve a good one. You can't treat them like shit and hope they continue to love you and treat you like they do. They might for a while, but patience runs out eventually, and you can find yourself alone.
And love...that's the biggest responsibility you have toward your family. You love them through the good and the bad, the sick and the healthy, the sunshine and the rain. You love them every minute of everyday, and you never, EVER forget to let them know that you love them. You can show it in actions, but never underestimate the power of the simple words. Hearing that can make so much else seem insignificant.
That's what you do for your family...you love them, and you show them, and you do your damnedest not to disappoint them. And when you do, because at some point you will, you do everything you can to make up for it, and let them know that through it all...you still love them.
That's the most important thing about family, after all. Unconditional, unswerving love.
Be truthful...not in the case of how's my hair look, or crap like that, but the big stuff. No matter how much it might hurt or seem to damage your relationship, it's best in the long run.
Be considerate...pay attention to them, and make an effort to be what they need. Ask questions, call often, visit as much as possible. Go to lunch with them, bring them flowers when their week is bad...show you love them rather than tell them.
Laughter...you cannot forget to make them laugh. You want to bring a smile to those that you love, especially when the days are tough and long. Go out of your way to make them smile, even if you have to make an ass of yourself to do it.
Dependable...that's what you have to be with family. You get a call at two a.m. from your sister because she and her husband had a fight? Give yourself a slap, pretend you don't have that eight o'clock final, and talk. Even if it takes hours or is a huge inconvenience...you be there for your family.
Worthiness....you have to be a good family member to deserve a good one. You can't treat them like shit and hope they continue to love you and treat you like they do. They might for a while, but patience runs out eventually, and you can find yourself alone.
And love...that's the biggest responsibility you have toward your family. You love them through the good and the bad, the sick and the healthy, the sunshine and the rain. You love them every minute of everyday, and you never, EVER forget to let them know that you love them. You can show it in actions, but never underestimate the power of the simple words. Hearing that can make so much else seem insignificant.
That's what you do for your family...you love them, and you show them, and you do your damnedest not to disappoint them. And when you do, because at some point you will, you do everything you can to make up for it, and let them know that through it all...you still love them.
That's the most important thing about family, after all. Unconditional, unswerving love.
Make Us or Break Us
Family. That crazy, horrible, wonderful thing that shapes the adults we become. I used to think I knew what family was...they were the people that you were born to and almost HAD to love you. Having a family meant that no matter what happened in life, no matter how bad things seemed, or how much you screwed up, you always had someone to turn to, someone who was on your side. Family...a parent or two (maybe more), siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. That group of people who knew all your bad and all your good and still chose to love you anyway. A set of people who maybe share your smile, or your coloring, or your temperament, people you can look at and think 'yep, I belong with them'.
The more years that pass, the more I realize that's not all family is. You don't have to share genetics or blood with them, and you don't have to know them your entire life. Now I think of family differently. They're the people you collect throughout life, the people who connect with and share yourself with by choice. They're the ones who you click with almost instantly, the ones you build a relationship with because you want to, and because you feel compelled to get to know them better.
I have a friend that I met when we were both in sixth grade, and we had a connection pretty much from the moment we introuduced ourselves. She has became my sister since then, and is as much my family as the people who took me home from the hospital. Her sons are my nephews. My parents are her parents. Her cousin is my cousin. My family reunion is always open to her each May. We are not related by blood or birth, but she is my family. We are so closesly intertwined now that no matter what happens...no matter how mad she makes me, or how disappointed I get in her, or how much I want to walk away from her, I cannot. And I think that's what family really is to me. They're the people that you love so much that you can't ever abandon them completely, no matter how much they screw you over or break your heart.
Family's not about choice. You can't have family then not have family because if they're really family, then they are a part of you. A part of your heart, a part of your soul, a part of everything you hold dear. I've had family members that have absolutely ripped out my heart and crushed it with their feet, then came back and picked it up and threw it against a wall a few times for good measure. No matter how much I've cried, or cursed them, or tried to disengage from them...I find I cannot do it. I don't know how to give up on someone I love, how not to move on and hope that one day things can be better.
That's what my childhood has taught me, what my life has taught me about the meaning of family. There's no suck it up and move on, no toss in the towel and find someone to take their place. Family is irreplaceable. You can add new people to the picture, people who can love you and give things that the ones you have cannot, but you can't ever fully cut someone out of your heart. I've seen some horrible things in my short life, most of it occuring when I was a child and most impressionable, and the thing I've taken away is that you always go back to your family, no matter what they do (with the exception of child molestors or bastards like that...thankfully, we've had none). I've seen marriages fall apart, kids disappointing parents, parents breaking the hearts of their children, and at the end of the road none of it matters. If you can't fight your ass off to make it work, then it wasn't love in the first place. Family will make you and family will damn sure break you.
But they're usually there to put the pieces back together.
The more years that pass, the more I realize that's not all family is. You don't have to share genetics or blood with them, and you don't have to know them your entire life. Now I think of family differently. They're the people you collect throughout life, the people who connect with and share yourself with by choice. They're the ones who you click with almost instantly, the ones you build a relationship with because you want to, and because you feel compelled to get to know them better.
I have a friend that I met when we were both in sixth grade, and we had a connection pretty much from the moment we introuduced ourselves. She has became my sister since then, and is as much my family as the people who took me home from the hospital. Her sons are my nephews. My parents are her parents. Her cousin is my cousin. My family reunion is always open to her each May. We are not related by blood or birth, but she is my family. We are so closesly intertwined now that no matter what happens...no matter how mad she makes me, or how disappointed I get in her, or how much I want to walk away from her, I cannot. And I think that's what family really is to me. They're the people that you love so much that you can't ever abandon them completely, no matter how much they screw you over or break your heart.
Family's not about choice. You can't have family then not have family because if they're really family, then they are a part of you. A part of your heart, a part of your soul, a part of everything you hold dear. I've had family members that have absolutely ripped out my heart and crushed it with their feet, then came back and picked it up and threw it against a wall a few times for good measure. No matter how much I've cried, or cursed them, or tried to disengage from them...I find I cannot do it. I don't know how to give up on someone I love, how not to move on and hope that one day things can be better.
That's what my childhood has taught me, what my life has taught me about the meaning of family. There's no suck it up and move on, no toss in the towel and find someone to take their place. Family is irreplaceable. You can add new people to the picture, people who can love you and give things that the ones you have cannot, but you can't ever fully cut someone out of your heart. I've seen some horrible things in my short life, most of it occuring when I was a child and most impressionable, and the thing I've taken away is that you always go back to your family, no matter what they do (with the exception of child molestors or bastards like that...thankfully, we've had none). I've seen marriages fall apart, kids disappointing parents, parents breaking the hearts of their children, and at the end of the road none of it matters. If you can't fight your ass off to make it work, then it wasn't love in the first place. Family will make you and family will damn sure break you.
But they're usually there to put the pieces back together.
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