Family. That crazy, horrible, wonderful thing that shapes the adults we become. I used to think I knew what family was...they were the people that you were born to and almost HAD to love you. Having a family meant that no matter what happened in life, no matter how bad things seemed, or how much you screwed up, you always had someone to turn to, someone who was on your side. Family...a parent or two (maybe more), siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. That group of people who knew all your bad and all your good and still chose to love you anyway. A set of people who maybe share your smile, or your coloring, or your temperament, people you can look at and think 'yep, I belong with them'.
The more years that pass, the more I realize that's not all family is. You don't have to share genetics or blood with them, and you don't have to know them your entire life. Now I think of family differently. They're the people you collect throughout life, the people who connect with and share yourself with by choice. They're the ones who you click with almost instantly, the ones you build a relationship with because you want to, and because you feel compelled to get to know them better.
I have a friend that I met when we were both in sixth grade, and we had a connection pretty much from the moment we introuduced ourselves. She has became my sister since then, and is as much my family as the people who took me home from the hospital. Her sons are my nephews. My parents are her parents. Her cousin is my cousin. My family reunion is always open to her each May. We are not related by blood or birth, but she is my family. We are so closesly intertwined now that no matter what happens...no matter how mad she makes me, or how disappointed I get in her, or how much I want to walk away from her, I cannot. And I think that's what family really is to me. They're the people that you love so much that you can't ever abandon them completely, no matter how much they screw you over or break your heart.
Family's not about choice. You can't have family then not have family because if they're really family, then they are a part of you. A part of your heart, a part of your soul, a part of everything you hold dear. I've had family members that have absolutely ripped out my heart and crushed it with their feet, then came back and picked it up and threw it against a wall a few times for good measure. No matter how much I've cried, or cursed them, or tried to disengage from them...I find I cannot do it. I don't know how to give up on someone I love, how not to move on and hope that one day things can be better.
That's what my childhood has taught me, what my life has taught me about the meaning of family. There's no suck it up and move on, no toss in the towel and find someone to take their place. Family is irreplaceable. You can add new people to the picture, people who can love you and give things that the ones you have cannot, but you can't ever fully cut someone out of your heart. I've seen some horrible things in my short life, most of it occuring when I was a child and most impressionable, and the thing I've taken away is that you always go back to your family, no matter what they do (with the exception of child molestors or bastards like that...thankfully, we've had none). I've seen marriages fall apart, kids disappointing parents, parents breaking the hearts of their children, and at the end of the road none of it matters. If you can't fight your ass off to make it work, then it wasn't love in the first place. Family will make you and family will damn sure break you.
But they're usually there to put the pieces back together.
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